You experience flatulence:

• (a) 1 - 6 times a day, but I manage to keep them well hidden and pretend it’s someone else.
• (b) 7 - 14 times a day, they just pop out when I laugh, sneeze, or bend over.
• (c) 15 - 20 times a day and I don’t care who’s around.

 

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Pain

• (a) I am not in any pain, the alcohol hasn’t worn off yet.
• (b) I have a pain that moves around in different places on my body every day.
• (c) I can predict the weather from my pains.

 

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Sight

• (a) I have 20/20 vision, but I don’t read much.
• (b) I’d have 20/20 vision if I squint hard enough.
• (c) Visions? When? Who had them? Stay away from the light! They only want you dead so they can spend your cash.

 

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Music

• (a) My music is not loud, it’s just different.
• (b) Most young people play their music too loudly.
• (c) Most people play their music too quietly.

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Driving

• (a) I’ll be there in an hour.
• (b) Two hours, depending on traffic. I should get there in time for a cup of tea before we start.
• (c) Where is it I’m meant to be going?

 

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Crushes

• (a) Oh, I’ve got such a big crush on him.
• (b) Crushes are overrated.
• (c) I don’t crush the pills, I just take them whole, with water.

 

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Memory

• (a) I can’t remember how much I paid for it. Doesn’t really matter, it looks good on me.
• (b) I paid £6. 79 for it. I got 20% knocked off in the sale.
• (c) When I was 10 years old, it cost £ 3.95. They don’t make them like that anymore.

 

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By the way, if you’ve picked c in any of these, you’re not getting old, you’ve already arrived.  In that case, welcome oldie, and watch that bucket, you don’t want to trip over it on your way in!

Source:How to Know When You're Getting Old

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Hit and Run

This tactic works perfectly against most big, sluggish opponents. The tactic works like this: You hit them and you run away as fast as you can. Easy right? I Repeat, this tactic ONLY works on big, sluggish opponents. I also like to switch it up every now and then. Sometimes I use my car and also perform a hit and run. Although that method is not quite legal it does send a message their way. That message is: don’t mess with me cause i’ll run you over with my car.

Death Touch

This works PERFECTLY for any situation. If a attacker comes at you all you have to do is perform the mighty death touch and he’s out. Although a problem does come up quite often when they actually die from the death touch. Just remember to use it sparingly like maybe once or twice…. a week.

Go for the Balls

I don’t suggest this because I would hate to get hit down below, BUT if I’m in a fight against another man I’m going for the weak points first. As Sun Tzu once said “Thou Shalt hit thy balls if thy is against me” or something like that.

Kamehameha wave

This works every single time. Whether it be against your school bully or against the mega, ultra, destroyer of worlds, alien from another universe. The only dilemma is that this technique takes centuries to learn for a human, but if you’re from another planet like Vegeta then take advantage of this skill immediately.

Gain Superpowers

This seems simple enough, Radioactive slop + animal of your choice + you = New super powered you. I suggest either bathing in radioactive waste to gain super strength like the Hulk, or bathing a spider in radioactive waste and getting it to bite you like Spider Man. Although the chances you might get cancer or die is high, there still is that SLIM chance of gaining that superpower you always wanted right? Plus with superpowers you don’t need to learn how to fight you just WIN.

Call a Bodyguard

This one works if you’ve got the cash to afford one. Why fight when you can pay someone else to do it for you? Besides fighting and protecting your butt, your bodyguard might just teach you a valuable lesson or you might just fall in love with your bodyguard. Either way it’s worth the investment if you have loads of problems and cash.

Throw Sand in the Eyes

I learned this from the movie Bloodsport’s Chong Li. Although he did lose in the movie, if you really do throw some sand in your opponents eyes they won’t have the same sense like Van Damme did in the movie. Trust me I’ve done this several different times just throw sand and proceed to kick major butt. Before the fight also try and remember to look menacing by yelling “You are nex!”

WARNING: This article is a joke and not meant to be taken seriously I do not honestly suggest doing any of these tactics. I wrote this article for a laugh and I hope you had one. Please do not do any of these in a real fight.

Source:Don't Know How to Fight? Learn Now

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How to Survive in Today’s Economy

1. Do Not buy anything

2. Do Not Eat

3. Do Not buy gas

4. Do Not own a home

5. Live in the park

6. Do Not listen to the news

Ask Rebecca for Advice, she has the answers you need.

Source:How to Survive in Today's Economy

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Ahn Jaehwan, Choi JinShil, Jang JaeWon, Kim JiHoo. RIP
The Entertainment World has gone in to shock again, due to the sudden trend of suicide amongst those in the limelight.
Model Kim Ji-Hoo is the latest amongst those taking their own lives, the 23 year old Model seemed to have committed suicide in the same manner as [...]

Source:When “trends” go horribly wrong

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‘New husband’ Jang Hyeok is coming back to the screen after four years and is crazy about pictures.

Jang Hyeok is studying photography, for he will play a photographer in the movie “Penthouse Elephant“, which starts filming in June.

In order to fully get into the role, he has been receiving private tutoring in photography.

He is showing his passion for photography, for the pictures he took himself will appear in the movie.

The movie “Penthouse Elephant” is about the friendship and the love of three men, and will reveal it in a fantastical and sensational sense. Lee Sang-woo and Jo Dong-hyeok were also cast.

Jang Hyeok had a private wedding with ballerina Kim Yeo-jin, two years his senior, on June 2, at Imperial Palace Hotel in Seoul.

Original Article: kr.news.yahoo.com/ser…
English Translation Credit: Hancinema

Tags: Jang Hyeok/korean actor/Penthouse Elephant/korean movie

Source:'New husband' Jang Hyeok, Crazy about pictures after getting role of photographer

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Not because our money's on fire, but because filmmakers of the past have come forth from the mists of ancient (read: late 80's) Japan to remind us that death is waiting just around the corner. Especially for women. First up, it's SONO HI NO MAE NI, directed by the awe-inspiring Nobuhiko Obayashi who directed the cult horror fave HOUSE and the great Kadokawa sci fi schoolgirl flick THE GIRL WHO LEAPT THROUGH TIME. The synopsis, via Tokyograph:

"Nanbara and Nagasa [...]

Source:We're all gonna die!!!

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This is gonna do nothing for those diva reports.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony rolled up to Dolce & Gabbana’s Golden Age party in Milan last night in a golden carriage pulled…

Source:J.Lo & Marc Go Together Like a Horse & Carriage

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Maybe it’s not so easy being married to Mariah Carey?

When Mimi threw hubby Nick Cannon a birthday bash at Pure nightclub in Vegas, he had to deejay his own party.

The…

Source:Mariah Carey's Man Has to Work His Own Party

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How do you know you’re a 2-year-old with serious style? When you’re rocking the same clothes as A-listers Kate Hudson and Jennifer Garner. 

Kate wore her spaghetti-strap…

Source:Fashion Face-Off: Suri vs. Kate and Jen

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Still slightly irritated about Queen Latifah pooh-poohing about her privacy. If you’re not swinging in the lady-lovin’ direction, Q, what’s your hang-up? If you were running around…

Source:Should We Bow Down Before the Queen?

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